One Month to Live

I signed up to take this class "One Month to Live" at church. It's based on the book by Kerry & Chris Shook. The first chapter asks you to quickly jot down 5 things you would do differently if you knew you only had one month to live. At first, I didn't know, then I came up with quite a few. I said I would:

• be better about keeping in touch with family and friends
  
• be more generous with my time/money/belongings
  
• worry less about what people think of me and if I'm perfect
  
• spend more time sharing God's love, and
  
• travel more
  

Now, I've only read the beginning of the book, so I don't know if I'll get inspired enough to actually do those things just yet, but I thought I'd share how I probably should change. It's an interesting concept that we probably don't consider as much as we should.

I'm a chicken too

I was looking over a book I love recently, and in it, there's a story that has been attributed to Rabbi Nachman of Bratslev or the Sufis. I don't know anything about whoever those people are, but I love the story and think it tells us a lot about how to relate to those who are suffering or just feel "different."I'll paraphrase and shorten:

To sum it up, there was an abundant, wealthy kingdom where everything was perfect, especially the only prince. Everyone felt he was absolutely perfect, until one day he was missing. After much drama, someone finally found him naked underneath the banquet hall, insisting he was a chicken. Everyone tried their best to convince him to put his clothes on, eat real food, or come out from under the table, but he refused to do anything but eat corn scattered under the table.

After all the wise men tried and failed, an old farmer woman decided to try to help him. She took off her clothes and climbed underneath the table too, telling the prince that she also was a chicken. They spent weeks under the table, talking about "things that are important to chickens," until one day she asked for some clothes.The prince was distraught and felt betrayed by his only friend, who had said she was a chicken also. She replied that she could be a chicken and wear clothes, and she stayed with the prince. He gradually accepted that and put on his own clothes also.

Then, a while later, she asked for a fine meal and sat down at the table to eat. Once again, the prince was upset and felt betrayed, but the old woman said she could be a chicken and still sit down to eat at a table. After some thought, the prince joined her. And according to the story, he started laughing. He went on to become the greatest king the kingdom had ever known, and everyone lived happily ever after.

Today I sat down next to a couple of my kids and moped with them for a little while (it was the class party and their parents weren't there). I think they should just get over it, like I did since my parents never came to class parties either. But to my little "chickens," the moment they are living in is the only one that exists. I try telling them to stop crying and pouting (which happens often, because more than a couple of my students are about as emotionally mature as 3 yr-olds), but they really only feel better after I sit down beside them and just let them be who they are for a while. Only by recognizing and sharing in someone's pain can we help them move to a place of healing.

"Choose Me"

So after feeling not very close to God for over a year, I finally heard his voice last week. He said "Choose Me." God never really says more than a couple words at a time to me (the last time I heard it he said "wait"), but those words seem unleash the dam of understanding in me.

I realized that I had been saying God was my number one priority, but then still trying to get all of my work and home and friendship responsibilities out of the way before I spent time with Him - you know, get everything crossed off my "to do" list so I could fully concentrate on Him... Yeah, that's not the way God planned for us to live. It's like the analogy where you put sand and pebbles and a big stone in a jar, and they only fit if you put the big stone in first. I'd been pushing my "God time" back so I would really concentrate on Him, when I needed to be really concentrating on Him first, and THEN focusing on the other stuff. I know that when I do that, then all the really important stuff will get done, and whatever doesn't get done probably wasn't that important anyway. I just forget that. And even now, after God told me what I needed to be doing, I still forget. I'm still struggling with thinking maybe I should call my friend first, in case she goes to bed early, because God will always be there, but I just keep reminding myself to "choose Him." I believe that with each decision I make with the right priority (I'd been a little off in those lately) that I will be taking a step closer to Him, and He'll take care of the rest!

I'm not old enough for this!

So I've been teaching for approximately 1.75 years now... But somehow I've got a college intern in my class two days a week, and I'm supposed to help the new long-term sub on our team lesson plan until she gets on her feet. I'm definitely willing to help in those ways, but I sometimes feel like I'm not old enough to work with adults yet! Most people probably feel like they're not old enough to work with kids yet, but I've always been a little backwards.

temptation

A while back, I wrote about how I needed to turn my life around and start actually fighting for God. Well a week or so later, I read Exodus 14:14 - "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still," which made me question the wisdom of my previous conclusions...

I have since made some very big mistakes and given in to temptations that I should not have. I probably should have done exactly what Joseph did when propositioned by Potiphar's wife - run away as fast as I can, leaving whatever I had with me far behind. I didn't do this however, and ended up somewhere I did not want to be. But when I think about Joseph's successful evasion of temptation, I'm reminded that he STILL ended up in jail for a long time! He did the righteous thing and still might have spent a lot of time questioning whether or not he did what was best! Eventually, he was exalted to a place of obvious blessings, but he didn't escape some really harsh times.

So all of these thoughts leave me questioning what metaphor I should follow as I seek spiritual renewal. Should I fight injustice and ungodly ways, stay still and have God fight for me, or flee from the dangers that pursue me? Is it possible to do a combination of all three? Or is there something even more important that I'm missing because I'm so focused on my own failings that I cannot see God's glory? Man, I can't wait until I'm old and I've finally gotten some of that wisdom crap they keep talking about...